now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
