apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
