i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
