I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
