i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
