I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
