It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I look better un-naked...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
