I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
