Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
