So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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