yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
