I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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