were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
