I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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