Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
