I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
