u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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