OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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