At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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