high people should be assigned attendants
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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