Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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