dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
