i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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