Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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