I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
