Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Houston, we have a squirter
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
