can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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