Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
