He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
