Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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