i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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