i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
