Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
