my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
