I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
