Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
