Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
