Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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