I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
