Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my shit smells like andre
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
