You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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