Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
