I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize