my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
