she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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