The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
