had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
