RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
