Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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