no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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