so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
