I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
