you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
