this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
