All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
