Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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