I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What drink are we having for lunch?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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