She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
