Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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