I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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