dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
