I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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