In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
