Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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