He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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