Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
