I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
