I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
