one two three fourrrrnication!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
