I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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