So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
