One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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