btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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