Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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